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How we stay together: therapy and de-stressing in the garden. Read more. The intimacy secret: how to have fantastic sex after decades together.
Break the cycle: how to stop having the same argument again and again and again. Topics Relationships features. Maybe you've grown apart, you're busy with work and kids, or the spark's just not there anymore.
For whatever reason you've found yourself falling out of love, here's how the experts suggest you find your way back in. If it's just a quick peck on the lips before and after work, make an effort to step up your game, says Walsh.
She cites research showing that a second hug can trigger a significant oxytocin release. It can change your biochemistry, and you'll begin to bond again. That same rush of brain chemicals can also come from physical contact in bed—and not just during sex, either. Sleeping skin-to-skin, whether it's full-on spooning or even just touching toes, can have relationship benefits, too. In fact, a survey presented at the Edinburgh International Science Festival found that couples who slept the closest to each other reported having more relationship satisfaction.
Walsh recommends forming an agreement with your partner to cut out phones and television at mealtimes and in the bedroom, or deciding together about specific times you will and will not use technology. If work and family obligations have forced you and your partner to put your love life on the back burner, schedule some time off from your regular responsibilities. Getting away may help you focus on each other instead of distractions like the bathroom that needs repairs , but even a staycation or a long weekend at home—if you treat it right—can be enough to refresh your bond.
Before you go, though, have an honest conversation about your expectations, says Alexandra Solomon, licensed clinical therapist at the Family Institute at Northwestern University. When you fall into habits in a relationship, you may take for granted the nice things your partner routinely does for you.
And even if you do notice them, do you let him or her know you're thankful? Gratitude is important, says Walsh. Locking lips can play an important role in the quality of a long-term relationship , according to a study from Oxford University. In fact, researchers found that frequent kissing was even more important to relationship satisfaction than frequent sex. When you've been in a relationship for a long time, it's easy to focus on the negative, says Walsh—which can lead to nagging, hurt feelings, and dissatisfaction on both sides.
On the other hand, amping up your sex life is also a good idea. Morris sometimes recommends that her clients try a 30 day sex challenge. It's always nice to be thought of, and it feels good to do something nice for your partner. So once a month, take turns planning dates for each other.
Pileggi Pawelski also recommends planning dates for each other. But be careful! If you hate football and your partner is obsessed, don't plan to take them to a bar to watch a game. You'll be grumbling the whole time. For example, if you love to learn, and your partner is creative, take a painting class together and bring some wine!
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